Discipline and the Single Parent

Even when going through a divorce, your kids still need to know rules are still rules. There will still be a routine and schedule. There will still be consequences for breaking the rules. I know it may seem like a cruel thing to discipline your kids when going through such a hard time. However, they need the consistency as well as you.In the moment, it is hard to follow through when you know you all are hurting. You need to keep in mind what your goal is for your children in the long run. It can be especially difficult if their other parent is extra lenient or inconsistent.

I had to remember I wanted to be the best single parent God wanted me to be. Letting them get away with breaking the rules would only serve to teach them that you only have to follow the rules when everything is right with their world. I really didn't want my kids to learn that. When life is full of difficulty and hurt, the lesson I wanted them to learn was rely on God. He will get you through...and He will provide a way to either get out of it or get through it. Many times He wants to use the situation to teach us lessons.

Single mom or single dad, how do you want your kids to deal with difficulties in their life? What do you want them to know? Figure those things out...really. Do you have those things written down or at least clear in your mind? Great. Here comes the tough question: How are YOU an example of those things? How am I doing with that? Let God show you how to deal with everyday situations. Let Him lead you to the right way to parent your kids. Be the best mom or dad you know how to be with His help. 

Where to Start as a Single Parent

One of the best pieces of advice I've heard since becoming a single mom is: Don't try to be the mom and the dad. God made each one of us with unique gifts. There are things our kids can only learn from us. It is NOT our job to be both parents. Our job is to be the BEST mom or dad we can be with God's help.

How do we do that?

We start by getting on our knees and surrendering ourselves to Christ.

 ~~And he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.~~Matt. 6:33

We need to work on forgiving our exes and ourselves. We cannot be full of the Spirit when we continue to hold onto hurts and offenses done to us. We definitely can't parent our children when we harbor ill-feelings towards their other parent. It's not easy to do when there can be things done to continually trigger us. We, also, need to forgive our exes when they haven't even asked for it. When we do that, we're releasing those negative emotions and allowing more positive ones to control us. Forgive, so you can be a better you and a better parent.

~~Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again to ask forgiveness, you  must forgive.~~Luke 17:4

~~Instead, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.~~Eph. 4:32

~~Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me.~~Ps. 51:10

We need to remember who we are in Christ. We need to stop beating ourselves up for all the things that have happened. He created us masterpieces from the very beginning of life, and He doesn't make trash.

~~For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.~~Eph. 2:10

~~For his Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us that we are God's children. And since we are his children, we will share his treasures- for everything God gives to his Son, Christ, is ours, too.~~Rom. 8:16, 17

Beyond all of that, we need to remember God can use all of us and our testimony...the good, the bad, and the ugly.

~~I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep in the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand as all God's people should how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fulness of life and power that comes from God. Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.~~Eph. 3:16-20

~~And we know that God causes EVERYTHING to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.~~Rom. 8:28

So... take a deep breath; relax; and enjoy your kids while they are in your care.